THOUGHTS FROM BULLY: Hind Sight's 20/20

Back in 1965 I learned one of the biggest lessons there is to learn.

At the very impressionable age of 10, I fell in love with my 5th grade school teacher. Her name was Miss Scott. She was young, cute and most of all short. As a growing 10 year old, approximatley 4' 11" tall. I was at least 2 inches taller than her and could imagine in my feable young brain of mush that I had a chance to be her boy friend. What a dope I was. My crush blinded me to all reason and I just knew she was the woman for me. She wasn't like my former girl friend Norma Jean Courtney, who I experienced my first kiss from, in the garden, while playing penny-go-walking at my birthday party. Nor was she like Billy Ruth Ashley, who was every second graders dream but had coodies by the third grade. Miss Scott was really different. She had a car.

One day during class, my sweet Miss Scott leaned against the black board.

As she walked pass my desk I noticed she had a white chalk line across her back side and doing what any southern gentleman would do, I brush the chalk dust from her rear. Boy was I in for a life long lesson. She turned around a read me the riot act. Don't you ever!!!!!!!!and keep your hands off my!!!!!!!!or you'll be living in the principal's office.

...And I thought she loved me. What a dope.

As they say the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. Unfortunatly my son recently asked me a question that made me stop and think. He noticed that his girl friend's mace what past the expiration date. He was concerned that the mace was faulty so he came up with the bright idea and asked her to spray him in the eyes to put it to the test. Fortunatly the girl friend refused. I am now faced with the truth that he must have some of his mother in him and this apple fell under her tree.

I recently went duck hunting with my house dog Chipper. He has recently discovered that he loves to retrieve ducks. We took in a traditional style duck blind. We were sitting on stools behind some brush. It was foggy, cold and the ducks started pouring in but the big ducks were on the farside of the little lake. This was not only exciting to have Mallards quacking, it was also tedious to hold a 100 pound labrador still and quiet. The time to shoot was geting close and I wanted to shoot also. I had the leash around my arm and knew when the shooting began the dog would jump and pull my arm and pull the gun. I then thought I'd wrap the leash around my foot and free up my hands. Well, let me tell you that was not the thing to do. Immediatly as the shooting started the dog bolted while still attached to my leg. This is a strong dog. He proceeded to run toward the lake while dragging my dumb ass behind in the mud. Fortunatly I was able to grab a small tree or I think he would have drug me into the lake. I can't blame this apple on anyone but me. That was just plain dumb.

I hate to tell this story because it probably confirms that I'm not too bright. I am a happy go lucky kind of guy and just about everytime I have the opportunity to just be a guy I generally take it.

A few years back I worked in a renovated beautiful old home in downtown Baton Rouge. One afternoon I had invited an old friend to visit my new office. I was upstairs taking care of some personal business in the bathroom. I was the only person in the office and heard the door downstairs close and my buddy called out to me. I was finished with my business and took the opportunity to step out of the bathroom and announce to my friend that I had just taken a huge dump. He looked at me in amazement from the bottom of the stairs. His lady friend stuck her head out from the hallway and looked up at me. I could have just cut my own throat right then. Santa doesn't dress as red as I was. It was just supposed to be a brief guy thing type joke and ended up as a massive blunder.

Hind sight is 20/20. That is a true statement. I wish that some of these events wouldn't have happened but how boring would that be. Life is a never ending path of all sorts of crazy events. I guess I need to count my blessings that I didn't come out of that bathroom with my pants down.