One fan wrote, "I stroke my hoe before I pound it into the ground." and another wrote "I hose my hoe down after every time I use it."
I hope these folks got the joke and are not speaking literally.
I decided to grow a garden this year. Two years ago I grew one and when it was just about to produce fruit a typical Louisiana storm blew through and within 6 hours my yard was flooded and my garden was 3 feet deep in the water from the Amite River.
My tomatoes have boomed this year despite the daily watering necessary to make them grow. I was counting the days, waiting for these beautiful green tomatoes to turn red.
As I was counting the days till harvest I noticed a few of my cherry tomatoes were coming up missing. Half hollowed out tomatoes were lying on the ground throughout my garden. I started watching from a distance and don't you know there was one lone cat squirrel tipping toward the garden and having his way with my tomatoes. I immediately decided to take matters into my on hands and shoot the little varmint.
The next day I saw a cat squirrel squished in the road and I hoped it was that little tomato stealing creep.
I then took the opportunity to stage this photo of a road kill squirrel with the evidence of cherry tomatoes in his mouth. As I approached the garden to pick a tomato for the picture, there the real perpetrators were. A pair of beautiful fox squirrels were just crunching and munching, licking there little squirrel faces and whiskers that were covered in tomato juice and seeds.
That’s it. I’m getting the shotgun. I then came outside with my trusty 12 gauge and aimed down the barrel only to see a helpless squirrel eating vegetables. I did something then that I thought I'd never do. I let it go. What’s wrong with me? I believe I must have left the television on CNN one night when I went to sleep and while I was sleeping the liberal media brainwashed me to have a conscience. How could I shoot a sweet little tree rodent with a mate.
I have since left corn-on-the-cob and assorted nuts in a bucket to maybe give the thieves and alternative diet and save a few tomatoes. I'm hoping they will be passive squirrels and have feelings for me and leave me a few to eat.
I can't put up a fence. Squirrels can climb. I tried putting extra 7 dust on the plants but the squirrels got high on the dust and now they have invited several of their friends for a 7 dust party.
I am at my wits end. I guess, like a liberal I need to look the other way and hope that the problem will go away. I am afraid to cause them any harm as the squirrel ACLU will show up along with Jessie Jackson and I'll be paying reparations in corn to the squirrels.
My only hope is that vegetarian squirrels taste better than acorn eating squirrels because come fall and hunting season, I'm gonna bust their tomato stealing butts and put them in a gravy. I'm sure I will get over that conscience crap and I'll make sure I don't go to sleep with CNN on because the next thing I'll be doing will be voting Democrat and hoping they raise taxes so I can support the world from my doublewide and middle income status.
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