Ascension Magazine

Thoughts From Bully: I Let Everybody Use My Hoe!

Recently, I have noticed country music creating lots of songs using a play on words and sending mixed messages with the lyrics in their songs.

George Strait sang, “She let herself go” and Tim McGraw sang lyrics, “back when a hoe was a hoe.” I’ll tell you a story about my hoe.

Last year I stopped being cheap, for one day, and spent the extra money to get the best hoe in town. I dropped $25 on this hoe and haven’t regretted it not one minute, however it has been the subject of some pretty entertaining conversation.

My cell phone rang just after I had purchased the hoe and my buddy on the phone asked. “What are you doing?” Proud of my purchase, I simply told him I had gone to town and picked up a $25 hoe. He said, “A Ho, Where?” I responded, “At a local western store.” I then told him, “They have the best hoes in town and once I had my hands on this hoe I wasn’t letting it go so don’t try to borrow my hoe and go get your own hoe.”

In his confusion he responded, “Hold on Bully. I never, ever, considered sharing a Ho with you, you pervert.” Realizing he was confused I thought I’d play it up a bit. I told him I was bringing my hoe to the hunting camp and passing the hoe around and letting all my buddies use it as much they wanted. Hell, throw my hoe in the back of your truck and carry it in the woods if you want. “What a friend! Where’s your camp?”

I couldn’t hold on any longer I had to tell him the truth. It wasn’t a Ho, Ho. It was a hoe, hoe. Not to be confused with a Yoo Hoo. However, I did go to the camp with my hoe and the play on words continued to flow right off the tongue. When I arrived at the camp Bubba said, “Damn look at that hoe. I’m takin’ that hoe home with me.”

Questions and statements were made. “Are you leaving that hoe at the camp?” “We can all use a good hoe like that.” “Your hoe is going help me burn some black iron pots.” “I’m taking your hoe to my deer stand.” “Somebody get the hoe to do this.” “Damn it. I left your hoe in the woods.” “OW!! I tripped over your hoe.”

I have never been so proud of a hoe and yes, I left it at the camp through the winter.

Well it’s spring and I was missing my hoe. So I went to the camp and picked up the hoe. I laid it down and tied it to the flooring of my trailer and gave it a ride.

Once home, I gave my hoe a good cleaning, scrub down and introduced it to my girl friend. I now have my girl friend using my hoe and she knows how to work a hoe. Her father taught her to use a hoe along time ago. She said she has used some rickecty hoes in her day but this was the best hoe she has had her hands on in a long time.

I was working in my garden the other day and my sweetheart called me on my cell and asked, “What Cha Doing?” I simply replied, “Me and my hoe are hoeing around, How about you!”