Ascension Magazine

Barnacle Bill, UN-PLUGGED

Ahoy there all my little buoys and gulls. This is Barnacle Bill the Sailor reporting from a PETA protest in the marshes of Houma where hundreds-nay, thousands, of redfish and speckled trout are currently in danger of extinction. For as you peruse this very article, my faithful readers, the annual Ascension Parish Thanksgiving Fishing Rodeo and Alice’s Restaurant Massacre is taking place.

You see, each year 20 some odd local celebrities launch their vessels in search of bringing home a limit of those elusive members of that finny tribe that reside in the lakes and canals of South Louisiana. You know those honey holes, the laces where folks say clever things like, “Wind from the East, fishing’s the least,” and, “You should have been here last week.”

But lest you think this is just a chance for a group of men to get away to the camp to play cards, watch football, and tell the same stories every year around the campfire before someone falls into the flames, let me set your rudder straight. Set the Way-Back machine back ten years to 1997 and I’ll tell you a tale of some castaways aboard a tiny ship that started out on a three day cruise. More

The Tiger Diaries With Joey Fryoux

On October 10, the 2007 LSU Football Team was named the unanimous choice as the #1 team in the nation for the first time during the regular season since 1959. A week earlier, after an uninspired performance, and another Tiger victory, Head Coach Les Miles wondered jokingly about the wisdom behind the Tigers rise to the #2 spot ahead of USC. This season though, very few ‘experts’ claim a proven record to support wisdom, accuracy, or insight as every week the landscape of College Football has been littered with upsets of historical proportions. The Tigers had navigated their minefield of a schedule to this point unscathed…a schedule that, unlike many of the contenders for the national title from other conferences, is loaded with quality opponents throughout the year. Jacob Hester had just been named the SEC Offensive Player of the Week for his efforts and heroism against Florida and was pictured on the cover of Sports Illustrated. The sun was shining on the Tigers’ season and yet some fans continued to be absorbed in negativity. Early Doucet had missed the last four games and some cracks were beginning to show with the young receivers who were thrust into the spotlight in his absence. Miles, praised in most circles for his leadership and aggressive decision making, was criticized in his hometown for being too reckless and too much of a gambler. They argue that he is simply lucky when leading his team on five successful fourth down attempts to win against the defending national champions. Never mind that to a man this team publicly and vigorously attest that the faith that Miles has shown in them to produce in pressure packed situations like these has been a tremendous source of motivation for them. A motivation to overcome and to perform FOR him! These nay-sayers, who love to point out Miles’ shortcomings and propose that his predecessor Nick Saban is smarter and better and more disciplined, are the very same nincompoops that used to complain that Saban was too conservative and unimaginative. The facts are that after nine games this year, thirty-five in his LSU career, Les Miles’ record is 30-5 while at the same point Saban was 25-10. More

THOUGHTS FROM BULLY: The Movie Industry. No Art, Just Profit

There was a time when the motion picture industry was a shining star for American Arts.

There was Bogart, Grant, Gable, Brando, and Burton. There was Hepburn, Taylor, Leigh, Crawford, and Davis. All were well respected and masters of their art.

Today computers and special effects rule the screen and the written word takes a back seat.

There was a time when the scripts called for death of a character and at the point of death the audience knew they were dead without any viewing of blood. Today’s films will have that character die with guts, eye- balls and brains spilling all over the screen. It is no longer an art on film. It is gore and absurdity in digital splendor.

“Hilarious”, “Brilliant”, “Daring”, “One of the Year’s Best.” All these phrases represent lead-in lines for commercials and trailers to encourage the public to go to the theatre and see the movie.

Whoever writes these lines has to be the biggest liar the world has ever known. How many times can you tell the public that this film is the best. In most cases the film isn’t any different than all the other disappointments you’ve had before from this generation of movie makers. More