Remember those steamy July days of yore, hanging out at the beach listening to good old time rock and roll on your transistor radio?

Well, here we are in these modern lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer and all we have to listen to is Shaquille Oneal’s profanity-laced rap about former teammate Kobe Bryant. But don’t despair. Welcome to Wild Bill’s Billboard of Hits-songs that contain no profanity, no derogatory comments about women and no racial slurs. We’re talking about the silly songs of summer here with classic titles like Sam the Sham’s Wooly Bully and Roger Miller’s “Dang Me”.

And unfortunately just like a midsummer night’s all-star baseball game, somebody has to get left out. So, if you’re looking for the nonsensical but non-musical “They’re Coming to Take Me Away” by Napoleon XIV, look elsewhere. We’re talking about big-time lyrics set to more music than just a tambourine here. And if you aren’t familiar with the songs of the late 50’s and early 60’s, then just Google the damn items and be done with it.

For the rest of you old-timers, I proudly present Wild Bill’s 10 Greatest Novelty Hits/Artists of All Time. Hey, it works on that VH1 channel. “Starting with the number 10 spot.” More

The electric guitar is everywhere these days. From video game commercials to clothing racks at Rue 21, we are bombarded with images of Strats and Les Pauls. Why? Because guitars are cool! Alone at home? Grab your ax and hit some power chords. In front of an adoring crowd? Step up and let 'em have it. Feels good don't it? When you hear an electric guitar being played, chances are the guitarist is using effects. Effects are electronic devices or occurrences that alter the sound of the guitar. Most guitar players (myself included) endlessly search for that perfect combination of effects to achieve the tone.

Let's compare the guitar to a jambalaya. Though I've never cooked a jambalaya myself, I've seen it done under my carport many a Sunday and yes, I've got the gut to prove it! The first step in cooking a jambalaya is browning the meat. Then throw in some rice and water and bada bing, bada boom, we've got ourself some jam. Whoops, we forgot to put seasoning in there. That's pretty bland. Without the seasoning, its got no kick, no flavor. You'd eat it if your survival depended on it, but chances are it's gonna end up in the garbage. What if we'd have put too much seasoning in the pot? Surely everyone eating would have sour faces from the saltiness or the hotness and we're back dumping the pot in the ditch. More

GONZALES, LOUISIANA JULY 16, 2008—Martin McConnell, former Ascension Parish Councilman and former Executive Director of the Ascension Chamber of Commerce, announces his campaign to serve as the next Mayor of Gonzales. With the business administration, government and financial experience necessary to manage the continued growth of Gonzales, McConnell also has the small town values needed to keep the charm in Gonzales city life even as it grows. As an Ascension Parish native, McConnell lives in the home built by his grandfather in 1908 with his wife Isabelle and their two children, Julia and Remy.

Says McConnell, “This is my home. This is where I was raised. I’ve spent a lifetime knowing what makes Gonzales great, and learning how to keep Gonzales great while it grows into a twenty-first century community.”

Educated at East Ascension High School and L.S.U. in Business Administration, and serving as Vice President at United Community Bank for the past ten years, Martin McConnell helped bring Tanger Outlet Mall to Gonzales and worked with the Gonzales Marketing Team to encourage new business and industrial development in the area. More

In Ascension Parish, the spectrum of the variety of things to do, goals to accomplish, and talented and skilled individuals and groups is mind-boggling. This summer brought to Ascension the 59th Annual Louisiana High School Rodeo Finals. The fact that this parish can offer as incredible a facility to host rodeos as The Lamar-Dixon Expo Center is a great source of pride for us. It is widely regarded as one of the finest agricultural and event centers in the country and serves a vital function in the parish’s economic development.

But when it comes to excitement and accomplishment, it is the competitors and the people involved in these events that Ascension Parish gets its chance to shine and this latest event was no exception. This year there were no less than three of our students who used this rodeo season finale to cap off a successful year of hard work and dedication and the reward for their efforts is a trip to the National High School Rodeo to be held in New Mexico this July. More

After 5 years of publishing this Bully article I wonder where the next inspiration will come from and everyday life provides it without fail.

It befuddles me everytime as to how much human fodder there is out there to exploit.

This month the news media broke the news the day before the 4th of July. The very popular pinic favorite, watermelon, is also a soothing pleasant enhancement to a relationship with the same effect as Viagra. The only catch is that you don’t need to eat the red juicy part. A person needing this personal lift needs to eat the rhine. Now I love watermelon and I didn’t need any encouragement to enjoy the flavor of the fruit but now I am going to be like Popeye and jump on the rhine like Popeye loves spinach.

I can see me eating a melon like a squirrel eats a hickory nut. I’ll eat it from the outside in.

Can you imagine couples asking questions like, Did you chill the melon? No. I left it out on the porch to keep it HOT!!!!! More