“If I Were the King of the World…” If you’re looking for one of my traditional scary Halloween stories about how I battled the Hookman and Louisiana werewolves (Loup-Garou) down the Gonzales Light Lane, well I’m afraid you’re in for a trick instead of a treat. You see, there are more important things on my agenda right now. I have an election to run.

While others may be content to confine themselves to running for such meaningless offices as U.S. senator or President of the United States, I intend to go for the whole enchilada (an ethnic attempt to get the Latino vote) and go whole hog or nothing (gives a folksy, down-home appearance) to win the only office that interests me-King of the World.

But as former governor John McKeithen used to say in his North Louisiana drawl, “I’m gonna need a little hep.”

First of all, we’ll need a musical anthem that the entire world can identify with. Remember when the Beatles did the first world-wide broadcast via satellite in 1968? In what can only be described as a stroke of genius, John Lennon chose “All You Need Is Love” as the one tune to perform. The song’s message came through loud and clear in any language. But since that one’s already been done, my regime’s theme song will be “Joy to the World”-not the Christmas carol but the one made popular by Three Dog Night in the late ‘60’s. Not only does the song, written by Hoyt Axton, who went on to play Billy’s dad in “Gremlins”-promote hope and happiness, it also supplies us with a mascot for the campaign. More

As the River Region Art Association approaches its sixteenth year promoting the arts in Ascension Parish, they are excited about setting new goals, implementing innovative art ideas, and growing even more in 2009. They invite all in Acension and beyond to be a vital part of the growth of the Arts in Ascension Parish. As a non profit 501 © 3 art organization, River Region Art Association is dedicated to enhancing the arts in our growing community. Their membership of over 100 artists is an active volunteer group representing all art forms, and are solely supported by memberships, grants, and sponsorships combined with lots of dedicated, hard workers. Their doors are open to the community and any artists who would like to join.

River Region Art also organizes the largest art event in Ascension Parish, ‘Awesome Art in Autumn Gardens’ Arts and Cultural Festival at Houmas House each October, involving over 175 fine art, folk art, and performing artists and over 300 art entries in the Awesome Art Competition representing a plethora of South Louisiana art.

Located just off Airline Highway at 1835 N. Magnolia Avenue, River Region Art Gallery provides a home for the arts in Gonzales. The Gallery is a cultural center open to the public Tuesday through Saturday from 10:00 AM to 4:00 PM, and provides displays of fine art, folk art, photography art, and three dimensional art by members as well as monthly theme exhibits with the community artists invited to participate. Sportsman's Paradise was the theme for the September Gallery exhibit. There are 4 seasons in Louisiana...deer season, duck season, squirrel season, and fishing season. In Louisiana, most men won't get married during hunting season and the brides have to really hunt for an open date! More

Many things get my goat these days. I hate watching and hearing about every step of each presidental candidates every move. I hate listening to reporters that have lost all credibility to me. I don’t want to know that the polls are telling me that my vote is futile because their network predicts a landslide.

It makes me sick to see the number of states that are for my candidate, of whom I’m not presently very happy with, and the electoral votes of California and New York dictate the next President of the United States.

As much as I hate today’s political climate the thing that gets my goat the most is the growing cell phone texting problem.

It is bad enough that half of the young generation drivers haven’t a clue to the rules of the road. Now we have to put up with them driving with a cell phone in one hand and the steering wheel in the other.

You’ve had it happen to you. You’re at the red light. The car in front of you doesn’t move when the light turns green. You have to honk, they flip you the bird. You just interrupted their right to text. Well kiss my butt. Pull over, go home, park in a parking lot but turn that crap off before you kill someone. I don’t care if your BFF doesn’t hear from you in the next five minutes. Put the phone down dummy. More